Not me! Monday

It's that time of the week that I tell stories about myself that would, normally, start with "I know a girl who...." if we were talking in person.  That's right, girls - it's time for Not me! Monday.  

First thing last Monday morning, in an attempt to open a giant bag of [knock-off] Captain Crunch, I did not "tear here" with entirely too much force, spilling multiple colored balls of sugar over every square inch of my kitchen floor.  I did not then, immediately step on one with my bare foot, crushing it into the grooves of my hardwood floors, getting cereal dust between my toes.  I did not think a curse word.*

The TV fast is just a smashing success.  We have not watched 'Larry Boy and the Angry Eyebrows' at least twice each day, since the fast began.  It would be absurd to think that, in any one day, a mother would let her 2 [rowdy, crabby] boys watch said Larry Boy movie 4 times, not to mention Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar AND That Thing You Do.  That's almost 8 hours of 'TV time' during the 4th day of a "TV fast".  I certainly did no such thing.  Also, my children have not taught themselves how to work the VCR, for occasions when I might be in another room, when they decide it's time to watch another.

I did not completely humiliate myself yesterday by falling off my dresser in front of friends/clients during a photo shoot.  (Why would I be on my dresser, you ask?  I'm not tall.  No, really - I'm serious about that one.)

After having a stellar record of NO fast food, last week, I did not ruin said record by eating at Burger King, &/or Hardee's 3 times in 3 days.  BUT, if I did - I would have to say that I'm impressed with my ability to feed myself and both boys for $6.50 or less.  Every time!

I did not completely cave in and give Kyran a donut 2 donuts, during our short outing at the grocery this morning.  He was not SO totally covered with icing that he was able to occupy himself with licking his coat for the remaining minutes in the store.  

*I [truly] did not hear Kyran cursing this week.  However, my husband might have.  I did not have to explain to Kyran that his phrase of choice (d@*^ it!) was a big no-no.  I did not then wish we still had cable for which to blame for this offense....

Today I did not witness Cael eat directly off of floor in front of company at lunch.  This behavior was not followed with an encore at dinner when Cael took bite off of carrot then threw the remaining 2/3rds  back into the serving bowl.  

And, finally, I laughed hysterically today when, after biting his tongue, Kyran lunged for Chad's mouth, with his injured tongue hanging out, asking for his daddy to kiss his boo-boo.  When Chad refused, I did not oblige his precious, albeit slimy, request - kissing his tongue as he giggled with glee.

Update on NYR's: I miss Dr. Pepper.  I miss the TV.  I have no plans to better my organization this week.  Happy New Year, indeed....  


Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

Oh, I can so NOT relate! I have NEVER let my kiddos watch way too much TV and they NEVER have bad table manners
Great list!

buttercup said...

ah lampy is my hero he is so cute : )

I have even danced the evil dance of villainry a time or two... or have I?

Keep going on those NYR's... I haven't even made any yet...

Sarah said...

Oh these are good ones. Very real. ;) and funny.

paige said...

well, i did not give my five-week-old child an emergency comb-over before his photo shoot and hope you didn't notice.

i also did not eat cookies for breakfast, but instead ate something healthy since i'm breastfeeding.

i did not address a christmas letter this morning that still needs to be sent.

and i did not secretly bond with you a little stronger after you fell off the dresser because it made me feel better to be reminded that i'm not the only one who would manage something like that. (although, i don't have the excuse of being too short. i would've been on the dresser doing something less productive and more embarrassing to explain.)