Disclaimer: I typed this on my phone, so any grammatical or spelling errors are to be blamed on the tiny keyboard and my chubby fingers.
Welcome to a post that I used to do all the time, but because of (-insert reasonable excuse-) I have neglected. It's cheaper than therapy and my hope is for it to make my future self laugh. You should try it sometime. :-)
1. Last Saturday, while attempting to aid my elderly grandfather into my van I did NOT trip off of a curb AND my 4" wedges and land squarely on my left knee on the concrete. If I had, I imagine that both shoes might have come flying off in midair, confirming my suspicion that they were the wrong choice that day. Also, I suppose I might have "caught" myself with the hand that was holding my iPhone, of course, and scratch the case all to heck. Then my dear sweet grandfather might have to come check on me, and later introduce me to people as, "This is Shaina. She fell." Glad that was not me!
2a. I did not consume, for breakfast today, the LARGEST Bavarian Cream filled, glazed donut (from Lamars) that I have ever laid eyes on. It was not about as thick as 2 pb&j's stacked together. I am not pining for another as I type. That would show a complete lack of restraint and/or common sense about the wellbeing of the human body. And I am very sensible, and not at all prone to tank on my diet by 9:00 am....
2b. For dinner tonight I did NOT have a super huge helping of gelato from my beloved Cocoa Dolce. And if I did it's NOT because I thought "Why not? I already had a 700 calorie donut." I do not adhere to mindset that if you're going to ruin your diet, there's no sense in doing it half...way.
3. Since we're on the subject I did not receive a phone call from a loyal employee of said chocolate shop earlier in the week to inform me that my very favorite flavor is in the rotation this week. I'm not a junkie, after all.
4. My children have not been nude for the better part of 2 weeks because of potty training the younger. The 3 year old did not answer the door stark naked, at one point (I was indisposed at the time.) Nor would my darling offspring ever walk into, say, our dining room DURING dinner with guests wearing nothing but a smile, hands on their hips, as though it is normal to lack shame of any kind. Nope -not here. In fact we do not feel the need to warn any and all guests that they might see more than they bargained for in our home.
And, for my grand finale,
5. While digging for gum in my purse at church today I did not come across a pair of little boys, Star Wars undies. Used. I did not then try to remember *when* I put them in there, to no avail. I mean who does that? Certainly not me.
Well, I feel better. :) Your turn Internet.